The MiniHalloweenies
by Semdai Bloodquill
Summary: A little more raunchy than the original Halloweenies, this is the series of mini, mis-adventures that is designed to make you lol til you pass out.
1. When the Internet Finally Worked

Loki, a very dear friend and adamant Halloweenies fan, received this Mini- Halloweenie when I at last was able to get her e-mail address correct. Stupid computer.  
  
The Mini-Halloweenies  
  
One  
  
Semdai - Huzzah! (throws hands up in glee) It worked at last!  
  
Entreri - (grumbles) Freak.  
  
Semdai - Drone.  
  
Entreri - Poncy Elf wannabe.  
  
Semdai - (gasps in hurt shock) You went too far that time. (sniffles)  
  
Jarlaxle - Egads! Precious is upset! Must cheer her up. (sweeps Semdai off her feet and twirls her around)  
  
Zaknafein - (whacks Entreri with a magazine) You asshole! You made Semdai cry!  
  
Entreri - Oh not you too!  
  
Drizzt - It's not enough you have to be rude and heartless!  
  
Dantrag - You have to make girls cry as well!  
  
Entreri - Why are you all ganging up on me?!  
  
Jarlaxle - You made Precious cry.  
  
Entreri - (looks at Jarlaxle funny) I don't know you anymore.  
  
Kellindil - What is wrong with you?! You're rude and mean to the only people who ever gave a damn about you!  
  
Entreri - What the hell have you been smoking! They don't care about me!  
  
Dinin - You could have let her down a little less harsh, you know.  
  
Entreri - When did YOU become a brown-noser?  
  
Dinin - I grew up in a society where I didn't have a choice. I have to kiss other people's asses or my ass is history!  
  
Entreri - (shocked) You need some self-respect.  
  
Semdai - (dramatically) To respect you need a heart. I think you have no heart Artemis Entreri. And I had a mind once to give you mine!  
  
Entreri - (disturbed) You need to lay off the drugs, Semdai.  
  
Dantrag - (disbelief) You actually had eyes for HIM?  
  
Semdai - (pathetic soap-drama) Yes, Artemis, my heart was smitten with you once. Your charcoal eyes, your warrior build, your attractive goatee-like- stubble. But you are too cruel and rejected me. And so my heart found someone who would return my obsessive affections.  
  
Jarlaxle - Me!  
  
Semdai - (passionately) Yes, Jarlaxle! You! Now there is one question that I must ask of you!  
  
Jarlaxle - (equally passionate) Anything!  
  
Semdai - I know drow have white hair, but (seductively) is it true that all drow hair is white?  
  
(They exit dramatically via stage left)  
  
Drizzt - She can really think up some crazy questions.  
  
Kellindil - Some of her stuff makes me wonder.  
  
Dantrag - (scared) What are you saying?  
  
Kellindil - (throws a book at Dantrag) Sick, drow bastard.  
  
Dinin - If I had even half of Semdai's audacity, do you guys think I could get laid?  
  
Nalfein - I don't know, you saw how fast she seduced Jarlaxle.  
  
Entreri - (exclaims) That can't possible count! Jarlaxle a sex-crazed maniac who'd screw a chicken if it would get him off!  
  
Nalfein - Is it possible to screw a chicken?  
  
Dinin - They did it on South Park. It must be possible.  
  
Entreri - Is it also possible for Satan and Sadaam Hussein to be gay?  
  
Dinin - Of course. Anything done on South Park is possible.  
  
Entreri - Except for that part about lighting farts on fire. That's bullshit. You can't do that.  
  
Dinin - Yes, you can.  
  
Entreri - No, you can't.  
  
Dinin - Yes, you can!  
  
Entreri - All right, Dinin, I bet you a pair of Semdai's panties that you can NOT light a fart on fire.  
  
Kellindil - (shocked) You have a pair of Semdai's panties?!  
  
Dantrag - (jealous) Where'd you get 'em?!  
  
Entreri - I pilfered them for blackmailing purposes. (brandishes a pair of dark purple panties)  
  
Dinin - (drooling) Semdai's underwear... It's a deal! (lights a match and farts on it, creating a small puff of flame)  
  
Entreri - (shocked) My god!  
  
Dinin - (grabs the underwear and puts it on his head) Ha HA! (begins to prance about and suddenly explodes in a burst of flame)  
  
(Stunned pause. Then everybody dives in trying to get the underwear.)  
  
The End... 


	2. Entreri's Obsessive Fan Club

Fira, another dear friend and a die hard Entreri lover, got this as a belated B-day present since she didn't like it when I called her on the phone and sang, "Happy Birthday to you. You belong in a zoo. Cuz you look like a monkey and you act like one too."  
  
The Mini-Halloweenies  
  
Two  
  
Semdai - (rushes about in frantic disorder while blaring POTC[Pirates Of The Caribbean] and just making a lot of noise)  
  
Entreri - (enters, yawning) Do you have any idea what time it is?  
  
Semdai - Actually no. What time is it?  
  
Entreri - (growls) It is 1:30 in the afternoon.  
  
Semdai - (puzzled) Then why are you still in bed? The sun came up eight and a half hours ago.  
  
Entreri - Why should I care when the sun came up?  
  
Semdai - Aren't assassins supposed to be up with the sun and down with the moon?  
  
Entreri - (confused) What the hell is that supposed to mean?  
  
Semdai - You wake up with the sun and you go to sleep when the moon goes down.  
  
Entreri - That leaves like (puzzles) less than an hour of sleep a night!  
  
Semdai - Is that why you're always so grouchy?  
  
Entreri - (slightly annoyed) Assassins are nocturnal! We sleep during the day and stalk at night! Get it right!  
  
Semdai - No wonder you're such an ass sometimes. You don't sleep.  
  
Entreri - (annoyed) I sleep at this time of day!  
  
Semdai - No you don't. You're here trying to confuse me at this time.  
  
Entreri - (very annoyed) No! I- (stops) You know what?  
  
Semdai - What do I know?  
  
Entreri - You are trying to piss me off!  
  
Semdai - (eagerly) Did I succeed yet?  
  
Entreri - (roars in frustration) I am going back to bed!  
  
Semdai - Before you go, are you doing anything later?  
  
Entreri - (thinks) Not that I know of. Why?  
  
Semdai - I've got a friend who wants to meet you.  
  
Entreri - (skeptically) Who's this friend?  
  
Semdai - Her name is Fira.  
  
Entreri - What's she like?  
  
Semdai - She has the major hots for you.  
  
Entreri - (puzzles) But we've never met before.  
  
Semdai - I sent her some pictures of you.  
  
Entreri - (suspicious) What kind of pictures?  
  
Semdai - (holds up the doubles) This kind. I got double copies so I could have a set for my scrapbook.  
  
Entreri - (grabs the pictures and looks through them, he gets more pissed) What the hell!? These are pictures of me undressing! (stunned disbelief)  
  
Semdai - Yeah, I finally got that camera I hid in your room to work.  
  
Entreri - How many of these cameras do you have?!  
  
Semdai - In the whole place or just your room?  
  
Entreri - (flipping through the pictures) Holy shit! There are cameras in the showers too!  
  
Semdai - Fira wanted a special picture of you.  
  
Entreri - (stressed) She wanted a picture of my nakedness!  
  
Semdai - She needs to know your size so she'll be prepared.  
  
Entreri - (exasperated) For what!?  
  
Semdai - (superhero stance) Trojan man!  
  
Entreri - (face falls)  
  
Semdai - (studies one particular picture) Have you ever considered getting a tan?  
  
Entreri - What are you talking about!? Wait! I don't wanna know!  
  
Semdai - Do you have anything nice to wear?  
  
Entreri - (stress taking over) What?!  
  
Semdai - (thinking to herself) Maybe you should just wear your normal outfit...  
  
Entreri - For what?!  
  
Semdai - For when you meet Fira of course.  
  
(Later...)  
  
Entreri - (bound very tight and gagged. No chance of escape)  
  
Semdai - (trying to shove Entreri into a crate with Fragile: Live Contents in red letters on the sides)  
  
Entreri - (tries to say something along the "lines of let me go!")  
  
Semdai - (sweetly) Hold still, Artemis.  
  
Entreri - (bangs his head on the crate)  
  
Semdai - (gasps) Oh you poor baby. Let me kiss that better.  
  
Entreri - (screams something that sounds like "Psycho!" and tries to wiggle away)  
  
Semdai - (sweetly) Now you behave yourself at Fira's house and make this a happy birthday for her.  
  
Entreri - (gulps)  
  
Semdai - (closes the crate and teleports it to Fira's front door)  
  
(At Fira's apartment...)  
  
Fira - (jumps out with blades in hand) Have at me cowards!  
  
(crickets chirping. Muffles from within crate)  
  
Entreri - (bangs on crate wall with his head to attract attention)  
  
Fira - (suspicious, kicks the crate lightly with her foot)  
  
Entreri - (chews through the gag) Someone help me!  
  
Fira - (jumps back) What's this? A trap to make me activate some kind of trap?  
  
Entreri - No! Semdai locked me in this crate and sent me to someone named Fira. Are you her?  
  
Fira - (blades at ready in a flash) State your name and business!  
  
Entreri - (fearful) I'm Entreri. And I just wanna go home!  
  
Fira - (suspiciously) As in ARTEMIS Entreri?  
  
Entreri - Yeah that's me.  
  
Fira - (puts a blade through the crate) You lie!  
  
Entreri - (barely misses being impaled) You've got it all wrong! Just open the crate and see for yourself!  
  
Fira - No! It's a trick! If I open it I will blow up!  
  
Entreri - (frantic) Why would I allow them to blow me up too? C'mon please open the crate!?  
  
Fira - The great Artemis Entreri would never plead for his life!  
  
Entreri - I'm not pleading for my life! I just want you to open the damn crate!  
  
Fira - (sets the crate on fire) I will not be tricked.  
  
Entreri - What the hell are you doing!?  
  
Fira - I told you, I wont be tricked.  
  
Entreri - (thinks fast) Semdai sent you a bunch of photos of me! Right?  
  
Fira - Photos? How big are you?  
  
Entreri - (stupidly) I'm about five ten.  
  
Fira - (skeptically) Five inches by ten centimeters?  
  
Entreri - (realizes what she really means) Oh that kind of big. You saw my picture, I'm an extra large.  
  
Fira - (puts out the fire with an extinguisher)  
  
Entreri - Holy shit, that's cold!  
  
Fira - (finally opens the crate and looks in. Her eyes get wide) Entreri? (pokes him with sword)  
  
Entreri - Ow! What the fuck was that for?  
  
Semdai's hand - (appears out of nowhere and slaps Entreri) Watch your mouth!  
  
Fira - (recognizes Semdai's hand) Semdai!  
  
Semdai's voice - Happy Birthday Fira, I hope you enjoy your present. He's all yours for the night. Please return him tomorrow afternoon at the latest.  
  
Entreri - I will get you for this, Semdai!  
  
Fira - (slyly) Come my precious. (drags Entreri into her apartment)  
  
Entreri - (screams) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
The End... 


	3. Who Wants to get in Jarlaxle's Pants?

Yet another misadventure of the Halloweenies. In this one, Jarlaxle and Semdai go out on a simple date. But we should all know by now that nothing involving Semdai Bloodquill and Jarlaxle Baenre is simple.

**The Mini-Halloweenies**

**Episode Three : Who Wants to Get In Jarlaxle's Pants?**

(In a purple '73 Buick Apollo[very cool car, my mom has one] driving down the street. Jarlaxle, nicely dressed, drives and Semdai, wearing a nice dress for a change, sits in the passenger seat.)

Semdai - (dreamily) This is so romantic, Jarlaxle.

Jarlaxle - (grins) Spared no expense.

Semdai - So where are we going?

Jarlaxle - I told you, it's a surprize.

Semdai - You're such a tease. (leans over to his side of the car) Can you still drive if I unzip your pants?

Jarlaxle - I am a drow of many talents.

Semdai - (slyly) Oh. (unzips his pants) Are you?

Jarlaxle - (grins)

Semdai - (reaches into his pants and tickles him in the belly)

Jarlaxle - (startled) Whoa! (swerves the car a little)

Semdai - (retracts her hand) Wasn't that exciting?

Jarlaxle - (tries to act cool) Oh yes, my dear.

Semdai - (giggles)

Jarlaxle - Oh look! We're here. (pulls car into parking lot)

Semdai - (nearly faints with happiness) The Olive Garden! I love the Olive Garden. Jarlaxle, you're the best!

Jarlaxle - (opens the car door for her and offers his arm) Shall we?

Semdai - Just let me throw my purse in the trunk.

(She opens the trunk to find a bound, gagged, and unconcious Drizzt Do'Urden)

Semdai - What in the world!?

Jarlaxle - How did this happen?

Semdai - (shakes Drizzt) Hey Ranger Boy, you alive?

Drizzt - (moans and mumbles)

Semdai - What do you know, he's still alive. (shuts the trunk) He should be fine until we're done with dinner.

Jarlaxle - (shrugs it off and offers Semdai his arm)

(They enter the resteraunt)

Waitress - Hello and welcome to the Olive Garden.

Jarlaxle - A table for two please.

Waitress - (charmed by Jarlaxle's...charm) Right this way. (leads them to a table and gives them menus)

Semdai - I haven't been here since Anti-Prom.

Jarlaxle - Anti-Prom?

Semdai - Yeah, it was Prom night and a bunch of my friends and I didn't get asked to come. So we dressed our best and came here instead. I had the coolest dress. It was blood red and it sleeveless and it only came to about here. (traces a line across her upper breasts) It was so pretty.

Jarlaxle - (imagining Semdai and such a dress... with the dress on the floor)

Semdai - It was wonderful.

Jarlaxle - I wish I could have seen it.

Waitress - (returns) Have you decided on your order?

Jarlaxle - I would like the salad appetizer to begin with and if I'm not mistaken my lady would like the soup of the day appetizer.

Semdai - (teasingly) You read my mind.

Waitress - (jots that down) And anything to drink?

Semdai - The white wine, if you please.

Jarlaxle - An excellent choice, my lady.

Waitress - (jots that down) I'll be right back then. (hurries off)

Semdai - This is so wonderful, Jarlaxle, thank you.

Jarlaxle - Think nothing of it, just enjoy yourself.

(BTW - For purposes of this story, I have made this Olive Garden have a live band. I don't know of any real Olive Gardens that have them but I thought why not?)

Band leader - Is there anyone out there who would like to come up on this stage and sing with us?

Jarlaxle - You should go, Semdai, you're a wonderful singer.

Semdai - (blushes) Oh no I'm not.

Jarlaxle - (speaks up) The lady here would like to sing!

Band leader - Well then come up and let's hear that beautiful voice.

Semdai - (glares playfully at Jarlaxle) Bastard. (gets up and walks to the stage. converses quietly with the band and takes her place at the microphone)

Jarlaxle - (claps and cheers with the rest of the people)

(The band starts playing 'The World Is Not Enough')

Semdai - (sings) I know how to hurt. I know how to heal. I know what to show, and what to conceal.

Waitress - (saunters up to Jarlaxle and sets down his and Semdai's order) Hey sexy.

Jarlaxle - Huh? (spins around and sees the waitress) Oh, hello. My god, isn't she a bautiful singer?

Semdai - (singing still) I know when to talk. And I know when to touch. No one everyday from wanting too much.

Waitress - (scoffs at Semdai and turns back to Jarlaxle) I can sing too, you know. (sits next to him sexily) I'd sing for you anyday.

Semdai - (sings her best and still manages to not break any glass) The world is not enough, but it is such a perfect place to start, My Love. And if you're strong enough together we can take the world apart, My Love!

Jarlaxle - (sighs dreamily)

Waitress - ('accidently' spills salad dressing in Jarlaxle's lap) Oh my, I'm so sorry. Let me clean that up. (begins to wipe up the mess with a napkin)

Jarlaxle - (begins to suspect the Waitress is flirting with him) That's alright, dear.

Waitress - (secretly feeling Jarlaxle up) No really, I insist. (to herself) _'My god, he's huge!'_

Semdai - (yes she's still going) People like us (looking at Jarlaxle) know how to survive. There's no point in living if you can't feel alive. We know when to kiss. And we know when to kill. If we can't have it all, then nobody will.

Jarlaxle - Really, miss, I have to ask you to not trouble yourself anymore. (pulls the Waitress off him and shoos her away)

Waitress - (sorely disappointed, skulks away)

Jarlaxle - ??? (wonders to himself) _'Why are my pants open?'_

Semdai - The world is not enough, but it is such a perfect place to start, My Love. And if you're strong enough together we can take the world apart, My Love! I feel safe. I feel scared. I feel ready, and yet unprepared.

Jarlaxle - (quietly rezips his pants)

Semdai - (last part of the song, throat starting to hurt) The world is not enough but it is such a perfect place to start, My Love, and if you're strong enough together we can take the world apart, My Love! The world is not enough! The world is not enough! No, no where near enough! The world is not enough! (end song)

(Cheers and clapping)

Semdai - (bows and skips back to the table)

Jarlaxle - Semdai, you were magnificent. (kisses her hand)

Semdai - (blushes) I hope so, I'm going to be in choir this year.

Jarlaxle - And you will be wonderful there too.

Semdai - (sits down) You think so?

Jarlaxle - (lifts his fork) I know so. Now lets eat before our waitress comes back.

Semdai - Why do you say that? (dumps half the pepper shaker in her soup)

Jarlaxle - I think she's trying to get in my pants.

Semdai - (a little perturbed) Really?

Jarlaxle - While you were up there singing so wonderfully she spilled salad dressing in my lap and insisted on wiping it up herself.

Semdai - (swallows some soup) Mayhap she's just clumsy.

Jarlaxle - (takes a bite of salad) Mayhap, but when I finally got her to stop my pants were unzipped.

Semdai - (stops with her spoon still in her mouth) That dirty bitch.

Jarlaxle - I think she was trying to get a rise out of me.

Semdai - No kidding.

Jarlaxle - So what do you suggest?

Semdai - (thinks) Let's pretend we're married.

Jarlaxle - (eagerly) Do I get to have marriage benefits?

Semdai - You already have those.

Jarlaxle - (remembers) Oh yes, I forgot.

Semdai - (notices the waitress is coming back) Act husbandly.

Waitress - (returns) Are you ready for the main course?

Semdai - (eagerly) Oh Jarlaxle, lets have the shrimp scampi, like we had at our honeymoon.

Jarlaxle - An excellent idea, my dear. Two orders of Shrimp scampi.

Waitress - (a little disappointed) You two are married?

Semdai - (flaunting) Two years now.

Jarlaxle - (plays along) Yes, two wonderful years. (attempts to play footsie with Semdai under the table)

Waitress - (broken hearted) Well, congratgulations. I'll see to your orders. (leaves)

Semdai - I think it worked.

Jarlaxle - (still trying to play footsie with Semdai)

Semdai - (laughs a little and footsies back) What am I going to do with you?

Jarlaxle - Marry me for real.

Semdai - (confused) Seriously?

Jarlaxle - (eagerly) Yeah, we can have legal sex then.

Semdai - (slightly hurt) Is that the only reason you want to marry me? Sex?

Jarlaxle - (fumbles) No! I just mean that will be a plus.

Semdai - (still hurt) What haven't I given you?

Jarlaxle - (frantically) There's nothing you haven't given me. (takes her hand) You've made me the happiest drow that

ever lived.

Semdai - (close to tears) Really?

Jarlaxle - That's right.

Semdai - Can we talk about this later? After the scampi?

Jarlaxle - Whatever will make you happy.

Waitress - (arrives sullenly with their food) Enjoy. (leaves)

Semdai - She seems really down.

Jarlaxle - Indeed.

Semdai - She must have been really enamoured with you.

Jarlaxle - Indeed.

Semdai - Let's eat our Scampi.

Jarlaxle - Indeed!

(They eat in relative peace)

Semdai - After this you wanna go home and watch a movie?

Jarlaxle - What movie?

Semdai - Something gothic I think... _Interview With The Vampire_?

Jarlaxle - Sounds wonderful. And how about _Underworld_ after that?

Semdai - Sounds like a plan.

(They pay the check, being too full for dessert and set off for home)

Jarlaxle - (relaxing in the passenger seat having drank too much wine to drive)

Semdai - (driving since she doesn't really like wine and therefor didn't drink enough to get drunk) Tonight was really great Jarlaxle. Thanks.

Jarlaxle - Lets do this again sometime.

Semdai - Next time don't let the waitress become so infatuated with you.

Jarlaxle - (slightly drunk) Only if you sing for me again.

Semdai - (laughs and starts singing '_Die Another Day_' not noticing the banging from inside the trunk)

The End

AN: ah lamour.... another Mini-Halloweenie completed. I want to say a big thank you to all my readers. And all my reviewers. I hope you enjoyed and if not : feel free to flame.

Truly yours,

Semdai Bloodquill


	4. Children of the Corn Pops

Inspiration for this episode came when I became angry at the store because there were no Corn Pops in stock for two whole weeks. And I can only stand three types of cereal : Corn Pops, Shredded Wheat, and Raisin Brand. I got to complaining with my sister, Luna, about this and suddenly it hit me. As the title suggests, this is a humorous spinoff of _Children of the Corn_ by Stephen King.

**The Mini-Halloweenies**

**Episode Four : Children of the Corn Pops**

(Setting is befitting to that a common Super Market. Exiting the soup aisle are two elves, Tarathiel and Kellindil. This unsuspecting pair of innocent elves are about to learn the terrifying truth of why the cereal aisles are deserted while the rest of the store is packed.)

Kellindil - (pushing half-full shopping cart) What's next on your list, Tarathiel?

Tarathiel - (stops pushing his own cart to check his shopping list) Cereal.

Kellindil - Same here. (turns down the cereal aisle)

Tarathiel - Does it seem odd to you that this aisle is completly deserted and the rest of the store is insanly busy?

Kellindil - I guess nobody eats cereal anymore.

Tarathiel - (turns to a random shopper) Excuse me, miss but do you know why this aisle is empty?

Random Shopper - (fear crazed) Beware of 'She-Who-Stalks-Behind-the-Rows!' Beware! (flees in terror)

Kellindil - (confused) 'She Who Stalks Behind the Rows?' What do you think that means?

Tarathiel - I'm not sure, but I think it might be a good idea to grab our cereal quick and move on.

Kellindil - That's a good plan. (starts cautiously down the aisle)

Tarathiel - I don't like this place, it's causing me to develope small, tingling bumps and making my ultra-sensitive, elf-skin crawl.

Kellindil - (calmly) I was going to say that this place gives me a bad feeling.

Tarathiel - (stunned) How can you be so calm at a time like this?

Kellindil - Let's do something to take our minds off this place. Race you to the end of the aisle!

Tarathiel - You're on! (takes off)

Kellindil - (also takes off but trips over an object in the middle of the aisle. That's what he gets for not paying attention to where he's going.)

Tarathiel - (stops) What was that all about?

Kellindil - I tripped over something. (looks at what tripped him) Holy Mielikki!

Tarathiel - What!

Kellindil - There's a dead body in the middle of the aisle!

Taratiel - (scratches his head in confusion) Now how did that get there? This aisle was empty a second ago.

Kellindil - Let's see who it is. (turns body over) Do you know this person?

Tarathiel - (shocked) That's Catti-brie! You ran over King Bruenor's daughter!

Kellindil - I didn't do it!

Tarathiel - This is bad! You can go to the gallows for murder one!

Kellindil - Only in Washington. Lethal injections and gas chambers are all the rage now.

Tarathiel - It's still the death penalty for murder one.

Kellindil - Well I think we could probably pass this off as involuntary manslaughter.

Tarathiel - WE! YOU are the one who ran over her!

Kellindil - That has nothing to do with the price of tea in China!

Tarathiel - But you still did it.

Dantrag - (from his post next to a Lucky Charms advertisement) You needn't speak so loud.

Kellindil - (startled) Where did you come from!

Tarathiel - It doesn't matter. He can help us out here.

Dantrrag - With what?

Tarathiel - We can blame Catti-brie's murder on him! He's a drow, people will believe us.

Kellindil - (happily) Yes! Great idea!

(They are joined by Berg'inyon and Dinin)

Dinin - (demanding) What is going on here?

Berg'inyon - (hisses and shrinks back from Tarathiel and Kellindil) Heathens. Those who would desecrate the cereal.

Dantrag - (in shock) The Seer! He speaks!

Dinin - (ushers Tarathiel and Kellindil farther down the aisle) Well, you two had better come with us then.

Kellindil - Why?

Tarathiel - What's going on?

Nalfein - (appears and assists in herding the two light elves along) Berg'inyon spoke when he looked at you. Now we must know why.

Kellindil - (confused) Uh... ok...

Tarathiel - Hey, Kell, does it strike you as odd that this aisle has nothing but Corn Pops on the shelves?

Kellindil - Now that you mention it, yes.

Tarathiel - Hey, Berg'inyon, why is there nothing but Corn Pops?

Berg'inyon - All else would be sacrilegious to Her.

Dinin - Oh, you guys are really screwed now. He even responded to you.

(They reach the middle of the aisle. Strangly enough, the rows of neatly stacked Corn Pops seem to go on forever on all sides. Jarlaxle paces back and forth in the center.)

Dantrag - (calls out) Yo! Jarlaxle! Berg' says we got us a couple of heathens!

Jarlaxle - (stops pacing) Did he actually tell you? Or did he write on an empty box? Cuz' you know how mad She-who-stalks-behind-the-rows was last time one of you defiled a holy cereal box.

Dinin - (remembering) Oh yeah. We sacrificed Drizzt and that assassin to regain her favor.

Jarlaxle - Yes. Yes we did.

Berg'inyon - (hisses) Heathens.

Jarlaxle - Whoa! By the holy spoon! He speaks!

Kellindil - Why is that such a big deal?

Zak - (drifts out from behind Jarlaxle) The Seer only speaks when heathens are around. Or when a new cereal shipment comes in.

Tarathiel - How do you guys mysteriously appear in a cereal aisle?

Zak - (dramatically) We are within the blessings of She-who-stalks-behind-the-rows!

(Pause.)

Kellindil - Riiiiiiiight.

Tarathiel - So what does that make you?

All the drow tegether - The Children of the Corn Pops!

Kellindil - Riiiiiiiight.

Tarathiel - So you've taken over the cereal aisle and you live off of Corn Pops?

Jarlaxle - Yes.

Tarathiel - Just plain Corn Pops?

Zak - We have alliances with the Milk and Utensil Aisles.

Kellindil - Riiiiiiiight.

Berg'inyon - (hisses) Wicked heathen.

Kellindil - Riiiiiiiight.

Nalfein - I'm getting really sick of hearing him say that.

Dantrag - Can we just sacrifice them and go back to our lives?

Dinin - I couldn't agree more.

Tarathiel - Wait a second! Sacrifice us to what?

The drow - (mystically) She-who-stalks-behind-the-rows.

Kellindil - Riiiiiiiight.

Tarathiel - Who's that?

Jarlaxle - Our great and holy goddess.

Tarathiel - (shakes his head) No, no. (points) Who's that?

(The drow look behind them)

Tarathiel - (grabs Kellindil and runs) April Fools!

Jarlaxle - They are getting away! After them!

Tarathiel - (kicks several boxes of Corn Pops off the shelves, spilling their contents)

Berg'inyon - (sceams) SACRILIGE!

(The drow stop abruptly and begin to pick up the spilled cereal while the two light elves keep running like mad. After a while the drow fade into the distance and the two elves stop to rest.)

Tarathiel - (panting) I think we lost 'em.

Kellindil - (also panting) I hope so.

Tarathiel - How are we going to get out of here? This aisle seems to go on forever.

Semdai - (from behind them) You can't leave.

Kellindil - (squeals like a girl and hides behind Tarathiel)

Tarathiel - Semdai? What are you doing here? And Who really killed Catti-brie? And what's going on?

Semdai - Silence!

Tarathiel - (shuts up)

Semdai - (evilly dramatic) I am no longer 'Semdai Bloodquill' I am now the great and mighty She-who-stalks-behind-the-rows!

Kellindil - Riiiiiiiight.

Tarathiel - So who killed Catti-brie?

Semdai - (simply) Dantrag.

Tarathiel - What is going on here?

Semdai - The drow worship me as their new goddess. We have taken refuge here... in the cereal aisle. Where we can make all kinds of blasphemous sacrifices and not get in trouble.

Tarathiel - So you got the drow to worship you?

Semdai - Yes. Yes I did.

Kellindil - Riiiiiiiight.

Tarathiel - And how to you plan to keep up your supply of worshippers if you sacrifice them?

Semdai - Jarlaxle and I have that covered.

Kellindil - Eew... That's disgusting...

Semdai - (evilly) It doesn't matter because now I am going to carry you off and do to you what I did to Drizzt and Entreri.

Tarathiel - (fearfully) What did you do to Drizzt and Entreri?

(Semdai smiles evilly and luges at the two fear-stricken elves. They scream like little girls. Then all is silent in the cereal aisle.)

The End


End file.
